By: Telana Sladen
Pastor Phil Ayres lists the important aspects we should consider when we are looking for a partner later in life.
In later years we can gain wisdom, but we can also close ourselves off to new experiences or relationships. Pastor Phil explained the importance of approaching a new partnership with contingencies.
Phil shared his first points in part one of the discussion:
1. Emotional Readiness and Healing
2. Shared Faith and Core Values
3. Health and Lifestyle Compatibility
In part two of his talk, Phil outlined the final points of his considerations:
4. Honesty and Communication
“You develop a lifestyle pattern that’s a lot more entrenched than when you’re younger and you start the journey in a brand-new sort of a way,” he began.
He explained that the impact of starting this journey together spans beyond the couple, because oftentimes that couple have their own children, grandchildren and entire family systems to consider.
“And I think the principle of transparency to build trust is so important,” said Pastor Phil.
He mentioned the term ‘primary allegiance’ when referring to blending the families in order to consider everyone’s best interest.
“For your marriage to thrive, you must give primary allegiance to your spouse and make that person number one in the life and the building that you have with agreements in place,” he said,
The Key is Communication
“If you don’t communicate well on the expectations, you’ll disintegrate the family potentially.”
There is a separate legacy for a person in their senior years and Pastor Phil noted the importance of honouring the generations a person may have built and the inheritance that comes with it, highlighting a verse in Proverbs.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. – Proverbs 15:22
“In other words,” he explained, “We need to talk through this and get advice get input and have wisdom in the steps we’re taking.”
5. Community and Family Support
Some couples can be met with resistance from children or extended family who don’t want their parent or relative to remarry.
“There should be an opportunity for everyone one to experience that, and we shouldn’t be afraid of that relationship,” said Pastor Phil, noting that it is always important to talk about it.
6. Patience and God’s Timing
1 Corinthians 13 captures the essence of true love, said Pastor Phil.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. – 1 Corinthians 13:4
“I would encourage senior people to be patient, take things step by step and have wisdom. Now, love doesn’t have an age limit and the desire of love is incredible,” he continued.
He referenced Song of Solomon 8:6:
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. – Song of Solomon 8:6
“It is so powerful, such a need and a drive in our heart,” with reference to Ecclesiastes he said, “The timing of God is so beautifully when the individual will allow that to work with the situation they’re in.”
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
Pastor Phil concluded with a summary of intimacy and what that can look like in later years.
“Every type of intimacy can be experienced in a relationship apart from, in a marriage context, sexual intimacy,” he continued, “And obviously that’s the privilege, that’s the God design of married relationships… But it doesn’t mean your life stops before you’re married.”
Pastor Phil encouraged those waiting and building relationships to make the moments count and treat the relationship with the respect it deserves.
“You can build rich, beautiful, amazing intimacy and allow that marriage to be the icing on the cake when the time comes,” he concluded.
Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.
Feature image: Canva
