By: Feranmi Taiwo
Pastor Phil Ayres, from Kingdomcity Church, believes that even separated couples can find a way forward. He offers some practical steps for those standing at the edge of a broken relationship.
Communication Breakdown
“Communication is the number one reason relationships break down,” Phil says. Misunderstandings, constant conflict, or feeling unheard can fracture the strongest bonds.
This breakdown, he adds, can lead to bigger issues like infidelity or even domestic violence. “One in four women experiences domestic violence,” he says. “That’s not just a government issue. It’s a community issue.”
The Big Four
Phil outlines four major stressors in marriage:
- Communication problems
- Financial pressure
- In-law interference
- Parenting conflict
“These are the areas where couples get stuck,” he explains. “But knowing them is the first step to overcoming them.”
If You’ve Separated, But Still Have Hope
So what if you’re separated but still want to make it work? “There’s hope,” Phil says. “It’s not too late.” He shares four key principles to help couples reconnect.
1. Don’t Push
“When you break up, don’t push,” Phil says. That means no begging, pleading, or guilt-tripping. These actions create negative emotional memories. Instead, “Take charge of your emotional anxiety. Be calm and respectful.”
2. Start to Pull
The second step is about drawing each other closer. “Work on the physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual areas of your life,” Phil advises.
He encourages people not to focus on their spouse’s lack of effort. “Take ownership of your own growth. Don’t benchmark their commitment.”
3. Rebuild Trust and Safety
“Just because someone says they’re doing the right thing doesn’t mean trust is restored,” he warns. True rebuilding takes time, consistency, and integrity.
Respect boundaries. “If your partner has set boundaries during separation, honour them,” Phil says. “If you can’t do that now, you won’t be able to do it later.”
4. Wait With Purpose
Even if your spouse isn’t on the same page, it’s still worth doing the work. “I’ve been there,” Phil shares. “I’ve looked down the barrel of a relationship that felt over.”
But he says God did a miracle. “I’ve seen other couples get back together too some after months, even years.”
It’s Not Wasted
“Even working on yourself is not a waste,” Phil says. “There’s hope. Hold on to it. Believe in God.”
So if you’re feeling lost or like your marriage is beyond repair, take heart. With humility, patience, and a willingness to grow, there’s still a path forward.
Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.
Feature image: Canva
