The parent trap of wanting to be liked

Recently, one of my teenagers completely lost it at me over a new tech rule I’d put in place.

I’d spent ages trying to work out what healthy boundaries should actually look like and eventually landed on a rule that, in their opinion, was outrageously strict.

“You’re making me hate you!”

OUCH!

Now, logically, I knew that they didn’t actually hate me. It was big teenage emotions, most of which had very little to do with me. But still… ouch.

You see, I was theoretically ready to be the strict Mum. The one who got rebelled against. The bad cop. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much I would want to be liked. How much I wouldn’t want to say ‘no’.

What my teenager didn’t see was that I was kind of already doubting myself. I knew our rules looked different to some other houses, and I was painfully aware of how overprotective and ridiculous I probably looked in their eyes. Part of me wanted to back down and make it all go away.

In that moment, it felt like there were two options.

1. Back down, avoid the conflict, and be liked.

2. Put on my big girl pants and allow my teenager to be unhappy with me.

Sometimes I get it wrong as a parent. I’ve been too firm before and I’ve had to apologise. Parenting isn’t about digging your heels in for the sake of it. But this boundary? At the heart of it was care for them. I genuinely believed it was good for them, even if they couldn’t see that yet.

And sometimes loving your child means telling them “no” even when it costs you something.

That felt much simpler when the kids were little. Of course they weren’t allowed to lick elevator buttons- boundaries seemed to rest more on common sense. But parenting tweens and teens lives in much muddier waters. Half the time you’re making decisions while questioning yourself the entire way through.

But I keep coming back to this question

Am I willing to be disliked in order to love my child well?

I’ve heard parents say they “lost” their child for a few years during the teen stage, only to reconnect later and hear, “You were right,” or “Thanks.” Even hearing that encourages me, because it reminds me that teenagers don’t always understand love when it arrives in the form of boundaries.

Sometimes love doesn’t look like a Hallmark card, but it looks like disappointment and conflict and holding firm while your kid rolls their eyes at you.

And sometimes that’s what loving them well requires.

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening, it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” Hebrews 12:11 (NLT)

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7.

About the Author: Chloe Ellenbacher is the co-host of The Fresh Start Morning Show on Rhema 99.7.

Feature image: Canva

Is That a Problem?

If you’ve ever looked at another Christian couple and thought, “Wow… they seem to have this whole praying together thing sorted,” you’re definitely not alone. 
 
For a lot of couples, praying together feels awkward, vulnerable… and honestly? Sometimes a bit weird. 

“We avoided it for years” 

Author of The Happy Marriage Darren Chapman admitted that even in his own marriage, praying together didn’t come naturally. “We tried it once and I was like, ‘This is odd. This is bizarre.’” 
 
In fact, he said he and his wife Beck avoided it for years because it felt uncomfortable. 
 
Praying out loud with your spouse can feel incredibly vulnerable. You can’t hide behind fancy words or ‘church language’ when the person listening knows you better than anyone else. 

Different backgrounds, different expectations 

One of the biggest challenges couples face is simply coming from different spiritual experiences. 
 
As I was growing up, I watched my parents pray together every morning for half an hour. But when you marry someone with a totally different background, suddenly expectations collide.  
It doesn’t mean either person is wrong. It just means you’re building something new together. 

Start small. Really small. 

You do not need to become ‘super spiritual’ overnight. 

Maybe it’s: 
• A quick prayer before sleep 
• Praying when something stressful happens 
• Thanking God together after dinner 
• Praying in the car 
• Taking 30 seconds before a hard conversation 
 
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is connection. 

“Embrace the awkward” 

Darren’s wife Beck has a line she uses often: “Embrace the awkward.” 
 
Because awkward doesn’t last forever. Like any new habit in marriage, it feels unfamiliar before it feels natural. 

What if one person wants it more than the other?

Sometimes one spouse is eager to pray together while the other feels hesitant, uncomfortable or uninterested. 
 
Darren’s advice? Don’t pressure. Don’t guilt-trip. Start with conversation. And if your spouse isn’t ready yet: Pray for them, not at them. 

Prayer isn’t about ticking a box 

Praying together isn’t about earning ‘good Christian couple’ status. 
 
It’s an invitation to: 
• be vulnerable 
• slow down 
• support each other 
• bring worries to God together 
• create unity 
 
Prayer changes the atmosphere of a relationship because it softens hearts, builds empathy and reminds couples they’re not carrying life alone. 

Maybe this is your permission slip

If praying together has felt intimidating, awkward or inconsistent in your marriage, maybe this is your reminder that you’re not failing. 
 
You don’t have to force someone else’s rhythm onto your relationship. 
 
You can start with one honest conversation. 
One simple prayer. 
One small moment. 
 
And awkward beginnings often become meaningful habits over time. 

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7.

About the Author: Audrey Waugh is a writer who works in marketing at Rhema 99.7.

Feature image: Canva