The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare shared two in five Australians have felt lonely at least some of the time in the past week…

…and that loneliness can be exacerbated during the Christmas period.

While the ideal Christmas is a season of joy, togetherness and celebration, many Australians quietly experience loneliness, disconnection and emotional strain during the holidays.

Recent data from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare shows that two in five Australians have felt lonely at least some of the time in the past week, and that loneliness can be exacerbated over Christmas.

For psychologist Garrett Huston from Psychology South & Wellbeing Services, this isn’t surprising.

“Loneliness is an odd one, because you could be alone in a room full of people,” Garrett said.

“It’s basically your brain telling you that you need connection.”

Social media can make the experience even harder.

“You start comparing your holiday experience with other people. You see all these gorgeous highlights online, or you long for how things used to be,” Garrett said.

“Loneliness can be masked. People can be very lonely and not show a thing, but it’s what they’re feeling inside.”

To address the emotions Christmas can raise, Garrett encouraged people to meet themselves with kindness rather than judgement.

“Just because you’re lonely, that doesn’t define you,” Garrett said.

“Different doesn’t mean worse. It’s okay to rest and keep things simple.”

We need to be aware of our self-talk, especially when expectations don’t match reality, and remind ourselves of what’s true.

“You can tell yourself, ‘I can create moments of comfort. Even if I’m not connecting as much as I’d like, I can take small steps right now,’” Garrett said.

Those steps might include reaching out to one trusted person, volunteering, or reconnecting with faith.

“You might not have been to church for a while, but engaging in your faith can be a meaningful way to feel connected,” Garrett said.

Family gatherings can also bring tension so “set realistic expectations”.

“You’re not going to suddenly get along with that grumpy uncle,” Garrett said.

“Identify your triggers, stay away from certain topics, and remember you don’t have to participate in every conversation.” Clear but gentle boundaries can help.

“You can say, ‘I’d rather not talk about that today,’ or excuse yourself to check on the turkey,” Garrett said.

“Spend time with the people who make you feel grounded. That gives you the social battery to cope with the rest.”

Above all, Garrett reminded listeners that support is available.

“Loneliness isn’t a weakness. It’s a signal that we need care, connection or comfort,” Garrett said.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

Feature image: Canva

How to let go of resentment is a question many people struggle with, especially when faced with deep emotional pain. The psychology of forgiveness is a growing field of research, offering hope to those who want to move forward without bitterness.

Recent studies show that forgiveness has many benefits for our wellbeing, and is a concept that does not necessarily have to be a religious experience.

In his book Forgive for Good, Dr. Fred Luskin, Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, presents compelling research showing that individuals who completed a forgiveness training program were better able to let go of resentment, reducing anger, depression, and stress. They also were found to experience higher levels of optimism, self-confidence, hope and compassion. These research findings are very interesting, as they suggest that forgiveness is a skill that anyone can learn.

What Forgiveness Is Not

To understand how to let go of resentment, and if forgiveness is a value you would like to move towards, it will be important to clear up some common misconceptions that can lead to unhelpful or unhealthy versions of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not about forgetting something hurtful that happened. It does not involve dismissing or minimizing your feelings. It also does not mean we have to accept bad behaviour. Rather, an essential part of forgiveness is feeling and grieving the hurt and anger we feel. We absolutely cannot forgive without doing that. However, forgiveness is a process that will then help us move on in life. It prevents us from wasting our energy staying angry about things that we cannot change.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation, either. Reconciliation is a mutual process of repairing a damaged relationship; however, there are some situations where a person chooses to forgive someone and also decides that the relationship cannot continue. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to trust them again or keep them in your life; the choice of whether to reconcile is separate from the choice to forgive.

What Forgiveness Is

So how do you let go of resentment in a healthy, meaningful way? In the book Forgive for Good, Dr Luskin offers a powerful metaphor that describes the nature of forgiveness. Imagine the radar screen of an air traffic control room. Picture the planes in airspace that appear on screen. Your unresolved grievances are the planes that have been circling overhead for weeks or months. Many other planes have landed, but these ones remain in the air.  Having extra planes on screen forces you to work harder, drains your energy, increases your stress and increases the chance for accidents. Letting go of resentment and forgiving someone is allowing those planes to finally land.

Forgiveness is about your healing – and not about the people who hurt you. Forgiveness is an active decision you choose to make. It is a trainable skill that anyone can learn to let go of feelings of resentment or bitterness. It is taking back your power. It is taking responsibility for how you feel. Resentment is like picking up a hot coal to throw at your enemy – without realising the person being hurt is you. Forgiveness is learning to let go of the hot coal, letting go of resentment and bitterness. 

How To Let Go of Resentment: Next Steps

The research on forgiveness training is very hopeful. It suggests that forgiveness is a trainable skill. While the process of forgiveness can undoubtedly be incredibly challenging, it can also be life-changing. As always, if you would like support with letting go of feelings of resentment or bitterness, you are welcome to contact our team of Psychologists. If you would like to read more about forgiveness, here is a link to Dr Luskin’s 9 steps for letting go of resentment. Respectful boundary setting is another essential way to prevent feelings of bitterness rising; you can read more here.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

Feature image: Canva

About the Author: Lauren Chee is a psychologist who understands the importance of forming a caring therapeutic relationship with her clients, and uses evidence-based skills that can lead to positive and lasting change. She has a special interest in anxiety-related disorders, OCD, social skills, parenting and attachment, child mental health and learning difficulties.