For someone in navigating infertility, grief and longing, being in church can feel almost unbearable at times.

“I might have suspected that I lost a pregnancy that week and somebody walks past with a newborn,” Susannah said.

“And you just think, I could probably get through this service without crying – if someone would give me a general anaesthetic.”

For five years, Susannah and her husband were unable to become pregnant.

“Five years of infertility is a very painful experience.”

An Auslan interpreter living in New South Wales’ Blue Mountains, Susannah still believes God was there with them.

Even if it didn’t feel like it.

“I think he was there but at the time, it felt pretty dark and dreary,” Susannah said.

“I’m just saying [to anyone else] it’s kind of OK to find it hard and to lament that before God.

“He values our honesty and doesn’t want us to lie to him about our experiences.”

God’s pattern

Susannah read articles and books which provided Christian reflection upon infertility, usually written after the author became pregnant.

This frustrated Susannah who was looking for “dispatches from the trenches [to] help me get out of bed today”.

Wanting to think clearly, and biblically, about infertility while she was going through it, Susannah began to write The Fruitful Soul: Infertility and the Christian Life to be published mid 2026.

Without knowing what the end of the story of pregnancy might be for her family, Susannah explored the question “What does God think about all of this suffering, self-blame, the fallenness of the world?”

One key pattern she discovered in Scripture actually offered grounding hope to someone experiencing infertility.

“Jesus suffered first, and then he was resurrected – and that is the shape of our lives as well,” Susannah said.

“Suffering first and then glory, that is the shape of the Christian life.”

As a clear reference point, Susannah pointed to the New Testament book of 2 Timothy: “If we’ve died with him, we will also live with him… If we suffer with him, we will also reign with him.” (2 Timothy 2:11 NIV)

For Susannah, the encouragement is not instant answers, but a trustworthy pattern: “That’s what we’re looking for in our lives.”

A call for churches: sensitive, present, and real

As much as Susannah found church gatherings to be unintentionally painful, she is grateful for the support she received.

“I don’t remember any time when anyone has ever made my suffering worse and they have made it an awful lot better just by being there,” Susannah said.

Still, she encouraged churches to think carefully about how they discuss or celebrate motherhood.

“Try and avoid any rituals that divide women up into mothers and not mothers, because motherhood’s not always visible,” Susannah said, reflecting on unseen grief such as miscarriage.

Her message to anyone walking through infertility is compassionate and practical.

“You’re not alone. One in six couples will go through some kind of infertility,” Susannah said.

“Don’t rest until you’ve found somebody to walk that journey with you. You need care; don’t do it alone.”

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

About the Author: Ben hosts Mornings on Hope 103.2 and the ‘Money: Faith & Finance’ podcast.

Feature image: Canva