There’s an art to building new friendships as a new mum, when the fog of endless feeding, changing, settling can dull your usual social skills.

But when you finally start venturing back into the world, there’s one big question: How do you actually make new friends now that you’re a mum?

Before we get into what to do, let’s cover a few classic mistakes—things that can make it a bit harder to connect with new people (and yes, we’ve all been guilty of at least one).

How not to make new mum friends

1. Be creepy

There’s friendly and then there’s too much. Saying, “That’s a really nice outfit” is lovely and can start a pleasant conversation. Saying, “I’ve been watching you for the last hour and I love how your outfit brings out your eyes that are blue like the ocean”, not so much. You’re trying to make new friends, not get yourself featured on a neighbourhood watch page.

A good friend will appreciate a sincere compliment. A potential friend will appreciate a little personal space. It’s important to know the difference and what is appropriate, and what might be taken as weird. If you’re in doubt, don’t say it. Instead, talk about the weather or something else that isn’t personal or could be sensitive.

2. Offer unsolicited advice

No-one loves a know-it-all—especially a tired mum who’s just trying to survive the day. Even if you know the “perfect” baby sleep routine, when every mum should be feeding her baby or how to pronounce quinoa, avoid correcting or advising unless you’re asked. The quickest way to lose potential friends is to make them feel judged.

If you really want to help, offer empathy instead. “Oh, I remember those nights. It’s tough!” That goes a lot further than “Have you tried . . .”

3. Stay at home

If you want a social life, you have to actually be social. Saying no to every invite is a guaranteed ticket to Lonely People Island. Even if you’re shy or stuck in your comfort zone, try to show up to at least one social activity now and then: a local playgroup, a book club, a mums’ brunch or a sports team meet-up.

You never know when a new friendship might spark. The first step to finding like-minded people is actually being where the people are.

4. Don’t help

A simple act of kindness goes a long way. Whether it’s holding a pram, offering a tissue or watching someone’s toddler for 30 seconds while they tie their shoe, helping others builds trust. A good thing about kindness is that it’s remembered.

Friendship, after all, is built on small, genuine moments—little things that show you care. You don’t have to do something huge and unrealistically impossible to help someone, like promise to cook a meal for their whole family and clean their entire house. Maybe you know your neighbour always forgets the bins because she’s told you before. Help for her could be sending a text saying that it’s recycling bin day tomorrow, with a smile saying that you nearly forgot too.

5. Talk. And talk. And talk.

We get it, you’ve spent the last 12 months talking mostly to your baby (or your dog). When you finally meet new people, it’s exciting to have an adult conversation again. But don’t let that excitement turn into a monologue.

Avoid dominating the chat with your personal information or every story since high school. Ask questions, listen and let your new friend shine too. The best friendships grow from meaningful conversations, not one-way speeches. If you really want to be interesting, be curious and ask questions. When people feel that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them, suddenly, they want to get to know you more.

How to make new mum friends

So now that we’ve covered what not to do, let’s look at how to genuinely connect with new people and grow your social circle.

1. Attend meet-ups and social activities

The easiest way to meet like-minded people is by showing up to things that interest you. Join a book club, try a mum-and-bub fitness class or attend a park walk/run with other parents. Look for new communities through local Facebook groups or social media, or join one of Mums At The Table’s local meet-up groups across Australia and New Zealand.

Even if you don’t walk away with real friends right away, you’ll have shared a good time and some new experiences.

2. Involve food

Food has magical powers; it breaks the ice faster than any conversation starter. Whether it’s inviting another mum for a cuppa, hosting a casual friend brunch or packing extra snacks for the park, food makes everything more comfortable.

It’s not about being fancy; it’s about creating an easy space to connect. Plus, let’s be honest, who can resist homemade scones or banana bread?

3. Small, thoughtful gestures

You don’t have to go overboard; no need to gift-wrap friendship bracelets. But a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. Remember your friend’s favourite snack or send a text checking in when you know they’re having a hard time.

These meaningful connections come from consistency and care, not big gestures. That’s what turns new connections into great friends.

4. Make eye contact and pay attention

Body language says a lot. When you talk to someone, make eye contact and smile; it shows confidence and warmth. But remember, no staring.

The same goes for listening. Notice the important things they share—their child’s name, the new city they’ve moved to or a common interest like gardening or travel. Showing you remember details proves you’re invested in the new friendship.

5. Balance talking and listening

Good friends listen as much as they speak. Ask open-ended questions: “How’s your week been?” or “What do you love doing when you get a little ‘me-time’?” are great conversation starters.

When they open up, really listen. Make it a meaningful conversation, not just small talk. That’s how real-life friendships grow—from being seen and heard.

6. Keep showing up

Friendship takes time. Sometimes you’ll click right away; other times it takes a few meet-ups to feel comfortable. Don’t give up if it feels awkward at first. Building a friend group or a sense of community doesn’t happen overnight.

Keep reaching out, keep saying yes and keep showing genuine interest. Before long, those new relationships might turn into your closest friends. If they don’t, that’s perfectly okay too. If you keep being proactive about your social life, you’ll find your tribe sooner or later. 

The don’ts (One more time)

Let’s recap the top things not to do when making new friends:

• Don’t overshare your entire life story or dump too much personal information right away.
• Don’t stay glued to your phone or scroll social media while someone’s talking.
• Don’t flake on plans; respect people’s time.
• Don’t be overly critical or gossipy about old friends or friends of friends.
• Don’t expect every interaction to suddenly turn into a best friendship instantly.

Friendship isn’t instant coffee—it brews slowly.

Say hello

Making new friends as a mum can feel a little like dating again: nervous, hopeful and slightly awkward. But it’s also one of the best new experiences you can have. These real friends will celebrate your wins, laugh with you through the chaos and remind you that you’re not alone in this wild, wonderful thing called motherhood.

So, step out of your comfort zone, make that phone number exchange and don’t be afraid to smile first. Sometimes, all it takes is a kind word or a shared laugh to start something special.

Your next great friend might be sitting right beside you at playgroup, just waiting for you to say hello.

Article supplied with thanks to Mum’s At The Table

About the Author: Adriana is Mums At The Table’s part-time digital content creator and writes from Kingscliff, Queensland.

Feature image: canva.com

Where there is great love, grief is often found close by. Grief is simply part of the cost of caring.

Read more: The Untold Story Of Grief: Our Friend

The doctor’s office was unusually quiet. It was a cool Monday morning. The fluorescent lights hummed softly overhead as I sat alone, waiting for answers about my unborn daughter.

In a matter of moments, everything I thought I knew about the future changed.

The words came gently enough. Down syndrome. Developmental concerns. Possible complications ahead.

Yet grief arrived like a truck travelling at full speed.

Not because there was anything wrong with my daughter.

Not because she was somehow less valuable, less precious, or less loved.

Quite the opposite.

The grief came because I suddenly realised I was letting go of the child I thought I was going to have. The future I had imagined. The expectations, dreams, and assumptions I didn’t even realise I was carrying.

All those expectations and ideals flew out the window like a sparrow on a hot summer’s day, gone in an instant.

I didn’t know it then, but this is one of the most common and human experiences for parents and carers. Before we can embrace a new reality, we often have to let go of the one we imagined.

So, when I sat down to write this for National Carers Week, I first thought about writing why I believe people living with disability are blessed, because they are. Then I thought about writing how churches can better support carers and parents of children with disability, because there’s always room for more understanding, prayer and practical support.

But every time I started writing, my thoughts returned to something else.

Grief.

I know, it sounds like a strange topic for National Carers Week.

Yet after eight years of caring, I’ve come to realise that grief may be one of the healthiest friends a carer can have.

The Cost Of Loving Deeply

In the first few years of my daughter’s life, I would often feel completely fine.

We did the appointments. The therapy sessions. The home programs. The specialist reviews. Then suddenly grief would rise within me like a rip current pulling me out to sea.

A difficult report. Another missed milestone. A new NDIS battle. After a few days, the waters would settle again and I’d be okay.

At first, I thought something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just move on? Why did grief keep returning?

But over time I realised grief wasn’t coming back because I was weak in my faith. It was returning because I loved deeply.

People often say to carers: “I don’t know how you do it.”

Yet the answer is actually very simple.

Love.

Whether you’re supporting a child through countless therapies and operations. Whether you’re helping someone who struggles to speak, eat, walk, see or remember. You do it because you love them.

Love compels us. Love shows up.

The Bible reminds us: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

And where there is great love, grief is often found nearby.

Most people think grief arrives after a funeral.

But carers know differently. Grief often lives quietly alongside us. Because grief is simply part of the cost of caring.

The Companion I Didn’t Expect: Grief My Friend

Then a grief counsellor shared something that completely changed how I view grief. Instead of viewing grief as an annoyance that we constantly push away, what if we allowed ourselves to sit with it?

What if we treated grief like an old friend?

At first, I hated the idea.

Who wants grief as a friend?

Surely the goal is to get rid of it. But the more I reflected on those words, the more I realised how much energy I was spending fighting grief.

Every time it appeared, I tried to distract myself, stay positive or move on as quickly as possible. Yet grief would always come back.

Eventually, I stopped seeing grief as an enemy and started seeing it as a messenger. Not a permanent house guest, but someone worth listening to. Because grief often points us towards the places where healing is needed.

As carers, I think this is one of the greatest lessons God can teach us.

We need to spend time with our grief. Not as victims. Not to stay stuck. But to acknowledge what is real. Sometimes that may look like sitting quietly overlooking the beach.

Sometimes it could be journalling for fifteen minutes.

Sometimes it was simply letting grief in, while I prayed.

The Psalms are full of this kind of honesty.

David wrote: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

God never asks us to pretend we are okay. He simply asks us to bring our hearts to Him.

The Grief Cycle Carers Know Well

If you are a carer, chances are grief doesn’t visit once. It comes in waves.

For me, it circles back again and again.

And even as I write this, we’re preparing for our daughter’s fifth eye operation.

However, this time, something has changed. Less than a year ago, I realised I had become stuck in survival mode. I remember telling a friend:

“I just can’t relax. I’m always waiting for the next phone call. The next piece of bad news.”

Living like that was stealing my joy.

But as I learned to sit with grief my friend, instead of fighting it, I found myself trusting Jesus more deeply.

Again and again, I handed my daughter back to Him.

Again and again, I admitted I wasn’t in control.

Again and again, I remembered that He loved her even more than I do.

The Peace I Never Expected

And recently, the thing I had been dreading finally happened.

Another eye surgery. But this time my response surprised me. The circumstances hadn’t changed. The risks hadn’t changed.

Yet my heart had.

For the first time, I truly experienced what Scripture describes as:

“The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

The peace didn’t come because everything was fixed. The peace came because I knew I didn’t have to carry everything myself.

God had not asked me to control the outcome. He had simply called me to walk faithfully beside my daughter through it.

So this National Carers Week, I want every carer to know this:

Your grief is real. It matters. It deserves attention.

But it is not something to fear.

It is not a problem to solve. It is not evidence of weak faith. It is not something to be ashamed of.

Sometimes, it is simply love revealing how deeply we care.

Like Job in the bible, we may find ourselves walking through seasons we would never have chosen. Yet God never abandons us in those places. Instead, He meets us there.

And when we allow ourselves to walk honestly through grief with Him, He can lead us somewhere unexpected.

Peace.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” Isaiah 26:3

My prayer this National Carers Week is not that your caring journey becomes easier.

My prayer is that whatever grief you carry, you will discover the peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding. So that you can continue caring for your loved ones. One day at a time.

So, what next? This National Carers Week, my invitation is simple: make space for what you’re carrying. If you’re a carer, sit with your grief, pray through it, and allow God to meet you in it. You don’t have to carry it alone.

And for those supporting carers, let’s do more than say “thank you.” Take time to really see them. Ask how they’re coping. Listen without trying to fix. Pray without offering easy answers. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give a carer is the space to be honest about both their love and their grief.

Together, may we create communities where carers feel seen, supported, and reminded that they are never walking this journey alone.

Need Support? These Resources Can Help

Carer Gateway

Australia’s national support service for carers, offering free counselling, coaching, peer support groups, respite assistance, and practical resources. Call 1800 422 737 or visit carergateway.gov.au.

Carers Australia

Provides advocacy, information, and links to support services for carers across Australia, including guidance on navigating caring responsibilities and available assistance. carersaustralia.com.au

Your Local Church Community

Don’t underestimate the power of reaching out. A pastor, prayer group, trusted friend, or church family can provide encouragement, practical support, and a safe place to share honestly.

Luke14

Luke14 Australia exists to help churches become places where people with disability, their families, and carers belong and flourish. They offer practical resources, training, and encouragement for churches wanting to better support disability inclusion. Visit luke14.org.au.

Professional Christian Counselling

If grief feels overwhelming, consider speaking with a Christian counsellor through your local church network or a trusted Christian counselling service. Seeking support is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Hopechristiancounselling.com.au

Lifeline Australia

If you’re feeling distressed and need immediate support, call 13 11 14 anytime, 24 hours a day. Carer Gateway also refers carers to crisis support services when needed.

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7

About the Author: Richelle Wenhem is an announcer and content coordinator at Rhema 99.7, and mum of two children.

Feature image: canva.com

The simple gift of being truly present with someone matters more than you think.  

When tragedy strikes, the most powerful thing we can offer isn’t advice or solutions, it’s simply being present and creating a safe space. 

Wayside Chapel CEO Jon Owen, chaplain and author Raewyn Elsegood, and i4Give co-founder Danny Abdallah explores what it means to support others during their darkest moments.

Creating Safe Spaces to Collapse 

Jon operates from a simple but profound philosophy at Wayside Chapel: “No one is a problem to be solved, they’re a person to be met.”  

During difficult times, people can feel like they’re falling without anything to grab onto. Jon says that people need safe spaces where they’re allowed to collapse and be whatever they need to be in their moments of vulnerability. 

“If someone walks away feeling met rather than worked on, then we open up the possibility that we might have a day where change could begin to happen,” Jon explains. 

People in crisis often believe their pain is unique and that no one will understand them. Rather than trying to convince them otherwise, Jon simply sits alongside them. He says the principles of presence and listening hold true regardless of someone’s background – we’re all members of the family of humanity. 

The Courage to Step Forward 

Raewyn continues saying presence is the foundation of support. While many people want to run away when disaster strikes, chaplains are trained to step forward into tragedy and simply be present. 

“The second critical skill is listening,” she says. As friends, we often try to empathise by sharing our own experiences, inadvertently making it about us.  

When helping people experiencing difficult times, Raewyn says we need to remove our story from the picture and listen long enough to understand the actual needs of the people we are trying to support. 

“It’s not about us or our story. We’re just there to be present and to listen,” says Raewyn, when explaining how to be a comforting presence. 

Presence, listening, and referral to people who can help form the core of effective support. 

The Human Spirit in Action 

Danny speaks from lived experience. On February 1, 2020, a drunk driver killed his three children – Antony, Angelina, and Sienna – along with their cousin Veronique. Two days later, his wife Leila publicly forgave the driver, shocking the world. Through their foundation i4Give, Danny and Leila now teach about forgiveness, not as something that removes grief or pain, but as something that helps you move forward. 

What Danny witnessed in the aftermath was the beauty of the human spirit. Meals and other essential daily needs were provided for up to six months, the community stepped in completely. This taught Danny something crucial about support: don’t wait to be asked, just show up. 

“Don’t feel the need of not intruding – intrude,” Danny says. “The phone call that says, ‘Hey mate, I’m just checking in on you,’ are the most wonderful words you could hear in the midst of someone’s pain.” 

Danny now works as a prison chaplain, and his journey taught him that there are no winners when tragedy strikes. Mothers grieve children lost to accidents, but other mothers grieve children lost to prison. Forgiveness, he’s learned, is where healing can begin. 

Ultimately, supporting people through tough times isn’t about having solutions or shared experiences. It’s about showing up, listening without agenda, and creating safe spaces for people to be fully human in their pain.  

If you or someone you know needs support, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. 

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

Feature image: Canva.com

Every relationship consists of two people, but the hard truth was the most consistent factor in my failed relationship, was me.

You’d think we’d be better in a relationship the second time around. But that’s usually not the case. Statistically, second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. That’s a confronting reality, especially for those who have already lived through the breakdown of a relationship and hope to avoid it from happening again.  

A common assumption is that the problem was the person we were with. Maybe it was a chemistry issue, an ongoing conflict or something else. When all else has failed, the solution seems obvious—find someone better, more compatible and everything will work out. 

To be fair, there’s some truth to that. While it’s rarely the case that one person is entirely at fault and the other completely without it, not all relationships are equal. Sometimes one person brings far more dysfunction into the dynamic than the other. In those cases, pairing with a more emotionally secure partner will likely lead to a healthier relationship. That doesn’t mean they have nothing left to work on—it simply reflects that they were operating from a stronger foundation.

But what if that’s not your situation? What if you were the more dysfunctional one? That’s the part I’ve had to come to terms with.

While every relationship consists of two people, I’ve come to realise that the most consistent factor in my failed relationship . . . was me. That was a hard truth to come to, but a necessary one. Because for people in my position, simply finding someone new won’t solve anything.

Think about it. If the core issues are internal, changing the person doesn’t change the pattern, it just relocates it. The same tendencies, reactions and blind spots will show up again no matter who you’re with and will cause trouble all over again. 

My experience was painful. But it was also a necessary wake-up call. It forced me to confront parts of myself I hadn’t wanted to see and rethink what actually makes a relationship work. So, I thought I’d share what I’ve learnt on my journey so far. 

Communication Is Good, Emotional Safety Is Better

“Communication is key” is one of the most common pieces of relationship advice shared. And for good reason—good communication is essential. But communication isn’t the foundation, it’s the result of something deeper: emotional safety.

Emotional safety is what allows someone to say what they actually feel, not just what feels acceptable to say. It’s the sense that even the most difficult emotions and uncomfortable truths—whether anger, loneliness or resentment—can be expressed without fear of it blowing up in your face. It means you don’t have to edit yourself to keep the peace or be accepted but can be fully and authentically you with another person. When this is missing, communication breaks down before it even begins.

The truth is, when it doesn’t feel safe to be honest, people will just stop being honest. They’ll hold back from what they’re feeling and learn to bury their issues.   

In my own experience, I am able to look back and recognise how often I failed to provide that safety. When honest truths were expressed, I responded in ways that shut them down. I was defensive, I minimised, I tried to fix things instead of just listen. Even subtle reactions can communicate to someone that it’s not safe to be honest. 

When that happens consistently, your partner will stop bringing things to you. They’ll cease trying to communicate. Not because everything is fine, but because it doesn’t feel like it will go well if they do. When conversations don’t happen, the relationship becomes fragile. Not from direct conflict itself, but from the absence of the kind that actually resolves things.

A helpful way to think about this is how fire departments manage high-risk areas. Rather than just waiting around for a massive, catastrophic wildfire, they carry out controlled burns, clearing away built-up fuel before it becomes dangerous. It’s the same in relationships. 

Those tough conversations can feel threatening, but when there’s emotional safety, they act like controlled burns. They clear what’s been building and reduce pressure, creating space for understanding and growth.

Without them, everything stays hidden and the pressure builds until eventually something small sets it off. What looks like a sudden collapse is often the result of an accumulation of months, years or decades of unspoken frustrations. 

This is why emotional safety matters so much. It allows problems to be addressed early and conflict to be turned into something that strengthens rather than destroys.

So yes, communication does matter. But without emotional safety, it never really gets off the ground.

Work On Yourself, For Yourself

If emotional safety is foundational, why do so many of us struggle to create it for others? 

In my experience, it’s not a lack of intent, it’s a lack of capacity. When I was faced with difficult feedback, especially things that reflected back on me, I didn’t handle it well. I reacted in ways that shut it down. While I could justify those reactions at the time, the issue wasn’t the conversation itself, but my response to it.

I simply didn’t have the capacity to hear certain truths about myself. So when my partner would express how she felt, my instinct wasn’t to understand, but to defend, correct, escape or accuse her of what she was saying about me. In reality, that was what she was actually feeling. As a result, my avoidant responses weren’t solving anything—they were just invalidating her emotional world and damaging the relationship in the process. 

The best way forward would have been to build my capacity—not to only hear what she was saying, but to respond in a way that would lead to repair, not rupture. But that kind of change doesn’t come from surface level effort. It requires deeper work—understanding why something triggers you, why defensiveness shows up and why certain truths feel threatening.

This work has to be, at least primarily, intrinsically motivated.

When your relationship is on its last leg, it’s easy to become outcome-driven. You want to fix things, win them back, change their mind. But if that’s your chief motivation for doing the work, it will eventually stop.

If things start to improve, the urgency fades and the effort drops off, because it feels like you’ve done enough. If things don’t improve, the effort fades for a different reason—namely, because it seems like nothing is changing. Either way, the change doesn’t last.

That’s the problem with outcome-driven growth aimed at changing a person’s mind—it’s unstable because it depends on how the other person responds. The only sustainable path is to work on yourself, for yourself. Not to win someone back, to prove a point or to stop hearing things you don’t like—but to understand why you react the way you do and to learn to respond differently. 

When you do that kind of work, it changes the way you show up, not just in one relationship, but in all of them.

Don’t Need Them, Choose Them

When someone can’t manage their internal world, they often begin to rely on their partner to do it for them. Over time, this creates a lopsided dynamic, where one person becomes the caregiver and the other becomes the dependent, leaning on that support without learning to stand on their own. 

Of course, caring for each other is part of a relationship. But when one person avoids their own baggage and the other carries it, equilibrium is lost. One gives far more than they receive and over time leads to exhaustion and a growing sense of discontent for the person carrying the load.

Looking back at my relationship, I hadn’t developed the ability to manage my emotions. So when I found someone willing to shoulder that for me, it felt deeply satisfying. But satisfying doesn’t necessarily mean healthy.

Eventually, I began to operate from a place of need. Without realising it, I came to believe that I couldn’t live without this person. She was my whole world! 

We’ve all heard this idea—and maybe even sung along to it. Harry Nilsson sang, “I can’t live, if living is without you.” James Arthur sang, “You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you.” And Whitney Houston sang, “I have nothing, nothing, nothing, if I don’t have you”. 

These ideas sound romantic in love songs, but they’re not so great in a relationship. The pressure it puts on the other person is enormous. It’s a weight no-one should have to bear.

I’m convinced a healthier approach is to come from a place of want, not need. Two people who retain their identity, take responsibility for themselves and choose to share their lives. There is care, love, commitment and support—but not absolute dependence. 

Getting there, of course, is a journey, especially if you already tend toward dependence. For me, learning about attachment styles and applying that knowledge to my situation has been hugely enlightening. It’s helped tremendously in understanding what’s been driving my behaviour in relationships and how to become better moving forward.

The last two years have been the most difficult and painful time of my life. But it’s also been incredibly fruitful. To anyone who’s gone through a long-term relationship breakdown, I’m so sorry. I know how hard it is. I know the feeling of a heartache so deep that it feels like it’s going to consume you. I know what it’s like to want to give up. 

But I also know there’s another side to the story. I know that you can get through this. And I know the brokenness can lead to healing.  

Name withheld for privacy

Feature image: Via Canva.com

It’s never too late to invest in your marriage.

Is counselling for grandparents “a thing?” The short answer is: yes.

As the National Grandparent Movement’s Ian Barnett puts it, “Married life, like most of life, has particular seasons… It doesn’t somehow get easier if you’ve been married 20 or 30 years. For many couples, it can get harder.”

Ian encourages older couples to see counselling as growth, not failure.

“My wife and I have done counselling… we’ve done a number of marriage courses… If you don’t set aside time, sadly, [issues] just get glossed over until a point in time happens,” Ian shares.

Honest reflection and real change

A common hurdle is simply getting started.

“It’s really hard… when you start to reflect or analyse, you may have to change. Therein lies the problem,” Ian says.

He notes that whatever isn’t faced earlier “you do carry it on into your… later years.”

Many couples only consider getting help when a big issue surfaces.

“Let’s all admit that you need to do something, okay? And the something might depend on what’s happening.”

Don’t let problems fester

Drawing on timeless relationship wisdom, Ian shares a practice that’s helped in his own marriage.

“One of the most helpful pieces of marriage advice comes from Ephesians 4 about not letting the sun go down on your anger. You can’t ignore it. These things in life you cannot ignore.”

Practical first steps can be simple and kind.

“The best thing you can do if you haven’t wrestled with an issue is to be honest and to say to your husband or wife, look, there is something we need to talk about… I’d like you to extend grace to me as I try and say the things I need to say.”

Counselling with care and purpose

It’s always advisable to seek a qualified professional when possible.

“I’d probably encourage people to think about someone who’s a professional counsellor, someone who’s actually gone through a process of being able to listen to the issue [and] provide a helpful way forward.”

And for those hesitant to begin, he offers reassurance.

“If you can find value in actually sharing lovingly and graciously and opening lines of communication and listening and showing love… that’s a great thing.”

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

Feature image: Canva

Ian Barnett’s level of preparation for being a grandparent was “absolutely nothing”.

Quite the admission on Grandparenthood from the leader of the National Grandparent Movement Australia, who has been a grandfather for 17 years.

To better prepare others, Ian shared the top seven things he wants you to know about grandparenting, especially if grandchildren have not even arrived yet.

1. Grandchildren change your perspective

Looking back, Ian wishes he had known how much grandparenting would reshape his view of life.

“Having grandkids gives you a real different perspective about what’s important and what’s not important,” he said.

“You actually now can have time to stop and reflect and to be intentional and have an impact on grandkids.”

What once felt urgent often doesn’t seem so important anymore.

“Having grandkids gives you a real different perspective about what’s important and what’s not important.”

2. There’s no ‘Mum and Dad guilt’

One of the biggest surprises for Ian has been the freedom that comes from not carrying the daily pressures of parenting.

“As a grandparent now, if I’m on the floor playing with my grandkids, I don’t have to get up to do the next thing,” Ian said.

Reflecting on his years as a father, he added: “It’s okay if the washing is done later; I don’t think I realised that as a parent.

“As a grandparent, I really do.”

3. Your grandkids already think you’re grand

Forget appearances, achievements or status.

“Our grandkids think we are grand,” Ian said.

“They don’t mind that we’re wrinkly.

“They don’t mind that our hair’s changing colour. They accept you for who you are.”

For grandkids, love and presence matter far more than perfection.

4. Love runs deeper than you expected

For Ian, love sits at the centre of everything.

“You don’t realise how much love you have in your tank until grandkids come along,” he said.

Seeing his children become parents has brought fresh appreciation for family and faith.

“Love is the pivot of everything else. Unconditional. Let them know it, let them see it.”

5. Nothing beats a child’s laughter

Among all the lessons of being grandfather to seven grandchildren, one stands out for its simplicity.

“There’s nothing like the laughter of kids,” Ian said. “That is such a great experience.”

Even after an exhausting day, he says replaying those moments brings joy and renewed energy.

6. They give you hope for the future

In a world often dominated by difficult headlines, grandchildren remind Ian the future is worth believing in.

“They are the hope for the future,” he said.

While concerns about youth mental health and online pressures are real, Ian finds confidence in seeing young people grow, learn and embrace faith.

“Jesus himself has actually come and brought us new life and a new hope.”

7. They remind you what really matters

The final lesson should resonate with us all, at any stage of life.

“There are things that really matter and there are things that absolutely don’t matter in life,” Ian said.

Watching his grandchildren grow has shifted his focus away from performance and towards relationships.

“Being loved, feeling loved, that really matters above all the other achievements you want them to have,” Ian said.

After 17 years as a grandfather, Ian’s advice is straightforward: “Love more, engage more, listen more and talk less.”

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

About the Author: Ben hosts Mornings on Hope 103.2 and the ‘Money: Faith & Finance’ podcast.

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Why being heard matters more than we realise.

Most people have experienced the feeling of speaking while having a sense that they are not truly being listened to. The words seem to fall to the ground, and the conversation can feel almost like it’s one-sided. It is an experience that is often painful. But why?

The answer extends beyond simple frustration. In those moments, the mind is often trying to make sense of what it is experiencing. Thoughts may emerge such as, Maybe I’m not very interesting. Others may interpret the experience as disrespectful. Alternatively, there may be recognition that the other person is distracted by something unrelated to the conversation.

These different interpretations reflect more than individual thinking styles. They point towards a common human need: the desire to be heard, understood, and accepted. Psychological research consistently suggests that people have a fundamental need to belong and feel connected with others. When someone listens with genuine attention, it communicates, Your thoughts matter. You matter. Conversely, feeling ignored can create a sense of disconnection, regardless of whether the other person’s inattention was conscious or not.

The opposite experience can be profoundly powerful. Being listened to without judgement, assumptions, or the immediate urge to offer solutions often creates a sense of being genuinely known. Research on therapeutic relationships has repeatedly shown that feeling understood and emotionally validated can assist in reducing distress. Often, the simple experience of being heard is more healing than receiving advice.

Ideas to support feeling heard

Cultivating these experiences begins with recognising that not every relationship has the same capacity for emotional connection. Some people consistently demonstrate empathy and attentiveness, while others may struggle to offer these qualities for a variety of reasons. Investing in relationships that have shown the capacity for genuine listening is more likely to foster meaningful connection.

There are also seasons when finding someone who feels safe to talk to can be difficult. In those moments, patience and self-compassion become important. Deep relationships often develop gradually rather than after one or two conversations.

Equally important is the opportunity to become the kind of listener that many people long for. Genuine listening involves giving full attention, seeking to understand before responding, and resisting the impulse to immediately solve the problem. More often than not, people first need to feel understood before they are ready to consider advice.

Being heard is a powerful human experience. It strengthens connection, supports self-worth, and lets people know that they do not have to carry life’s challenges alone. It is both a gift to receive and one to be given, creating greater belonging and meaning in everyday life.

The Centre for Effective Living is an award-winning Psychology and Well-Being practice serving the Upper North Shore of Sydney.

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Connection is a fundamental part of being human

It shapes how we see ourselves, how we experience the world, and how we cope during difficult times. When we feel connected, our mental and emotional wellbeing are often stronger and more supported.

Small, everyday interactions, like a friendly exchange with your local barista, and how these micro-connections can gently buffer against loneliness. These moments matter more than we often realise. But while they offer important emotional lifts, they are only one piece of the puzzle.

This brings us to a deeper layer of connection: meaningful community. If weak ties help us feel momentarily seen, meaningful communities help us feel truly known. And it’s within these spaces that some of the most profound benefits for our mental wellbeing can emerge.

The Human Need to Belong

Humans are inherently social beings. Our brains and bodies are shaped for connection, and our wellbeing is deeply influenced by the quality of our relationships. Feeling connected to others provides a sense of safety, stability, and support in our day-to-day lives.

Meaningful community provides:

• A sense of belonging and identity
• Emotional support during difficult times
• Opportunities for shared experiences and growth
• A framework for understanding ourselves and others

What Makes a Community “Meaningful”?

Not all social groups offer the same psychological benefits. A meaningful community goes beyond casual interaction. It is characterised by:

• Consistency: Regular opportunities to gather and connect
• Authenticity: Space to be seen and accepted as you are
• Shared values or purpose: A common thread that brings people together
• Mutual support: Giving and receiving care, not just surface-level interaction

These elements create an environment where individuals feel psychologically safe, a key factor in mental wellbeing.

The Mental Health Benefits

Being part of a meaningful community can have profound effects on mental health:

1. Reduced Loneliness and Isolation
Regular connection with others helps buffer against feelings of loneliness, which is a significant risk factor for depression.

2. Emotional Regulation and Support
Talking through challenges with trusted people helps process emotions and reduces distress. Having our experiences normalised and understood can be deeply regulating.

3. Increased Sense of Purpose
Engaging in a group with shared values or goals gives individuals a sense of meaning, which is strongly linked to life satisfaction and resilience.

4. Improved Self-Worth
Being valued within a community reinforces a sense of worth and identity.

5. Greater Resilience
When facing adversity, those with strong social support systems are better equipped to cope and recover.

The Role of Ritual and Shared Experience

One often overlooked aspect of meaningful communities is the presence of shared rituals or regular gatherings. Whether it’s weekly meetings, group activities, or shared traditions, these moments create rhythm and predictability.

Rituals can:

• Provide grounding in times of uncertainty
• Strengthen group cohesion
• Create a sense of continuity and stability

They act as anchors in our lives, helping us feel connected to something larger than ourselves.

Barriers to Finding Community

Despite its importance, many people struggle to find or maintain meaningful community. Common barriers include:

• Busy schedules and competing priorities
• Social anxiety or fear of vulnerability
• Past experiences of rejection or exclusion
• Over-reliance on digital interaction

Recognising these barriers is the first step toward overcoming them.

Moving Toward Connection

Building or joining a meaningful community doesn’t require perfection. It requires intention. Some starting points include:

• Seeking out groups aligned with your values or interests
• Prioritising regular, in-person connection where possible
• Allowing yourself to be known gradually
• Contributing to the wellbeing of others within the group

Connection deepens over time, not instantly. Small, consistent steps often lead to the most meaningful relationships.

Final Thoughts

Mental wellbeing is not just an individual pursuit. It is deeply relational. While self-care practices are important, they are most effective when supported by a network of genuine connection.

Meaningful community offers something that cannot be replicated through productivity, achievement, or online interaction alone: a sense of belonging. And in that belonging, people often find not only support, but also healing, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.

About the Author: Jennifer Chu is a psychologist who is passionate about therapy, experienced in a range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression, social adjustment issues, stress management, and cross-cultural issues and more.

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Ending the epidemic of isolation

“We are made for relationships, we are made for connection,” says psychologist, Collett Smart. “Being social is so much a part of what feeds our wellbeing. And when we don’t have connection, we end up lonely.”

Collett is joined by mental health author and speaker, Graeme Cowan, and Hannah Gair, founder of StrongerHERside podcast, to explore the importance of intentional community connection.

Sense of connection

Quoting a recent Beyond Blue survey on how Australians view their wellbeing, Collett shares that although around 30% of Australians say that their wellbeing is excellent as a result of their sense of connection, this number is lower today compared to what it was following the same survey in 2022.

Among the 18-24-year-old age group, half of those surveyed not only said they felt lonely but also felt shame about their loneliness. And having wrongly concluded that their loneliness made them different to their peers, Collett explains, their assumption has the effect of compounding their sense of isolation even further.

Physical wellbeing

Graeme adds that, in addition to an impact on our mental health, our lack of connection can also have a significant negative effect on our physical wellbeing.

“When people feel disconnected and lonely, it’s been shown that it has the same health effect as smoking fifteen cigarettes per day.”

Ultimately, Graeme says, community is about satisfying a fundamental need to belong. He shares his own personal experience of community with other like-minded people who meet once a month and have been doing so consistently – not only enjoying the common interest that brought them together in the first place but supporting each in life as well.

“It’s been going for twenty-five years,” Graeme explains, “and the reason is that sense of community, that bonding. And over that period of time, members have been through divorce, bankruptcy and even death. But they (the group’s gatherings) are a consistent thing that happen every month where you feel you belong.”

Seasons of life changes

Hannah shares that it can also sometimes happen that our needs for community connection can change throughout the seasons of life. As a mum of a child living with a disability, Hannah highlights the importance of taking the time to intentionally look for the right connections for whatever stage or situation you find yourself.

“If you look at statistics for mothers who are raising children with disability, it varies between 60-80% of mothers actually feel isolated, and with isolation, can come a feeling of hopelessness and disconnectedness … it’s super-critical that community is paramount … paramount to getting through that journey.”

What is the best way to find the right community for you?

Collett summarises that our two simplest answers are to either join the community that appeals to us, or, if it doesn’t yet exist, start your own.

“Just put it out there,” Collett encourages, “that you would meet people in a public place; in a coffee shop, so that you’re safe about it. Meet people, because there are other people who are desperate for community, and they’re just waiting for someone to put their hand up and say, ‘Let’s start something!’”

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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It starts with a listening ear.

It’s not only the ‘needy’ in our community who benefit from a helping hand. We all need help from time to time, and it can also do us good to be the help that someone else needs, but what is the best way to extend a hand of friendship?

Listening is the best place to start!

CEO of Wayside Chapel, Jon Owen; CEO of Entrepreneurial and Small Business Women Australia, Amanda Rose; and aged care chaplain, Jenny Blok, discuss what it means to lend a helping hand.

Amanda explains that the best helping hand is the one that comes from the heart and goes unseen.

She says that a helping hand is being there when no one else is. People can fuss over someone who has had an accident or done well in business, but when times are tough, often those initial ‘helpers’ are nowhere to be seen. That’s the time to step in privately and give a helping hand.

Jenny adds to this, drawing on her experience in the aged care sector where, she says, offering a helping hand to the elderly is the same as any other stage in life. She emphasises the importance of listening first.

“I think we need to be asking permission as well because we can step in thinking that this person needs us … (but) they’re quite capable of doing things themselves! We don’t want to take away their independence.”

Jon agrees and shares some practical advice he gives to volunteers when they first come to lend a helping hand at Wayside Chapel.

“People just need you to love them … so bring a fresh pair of socks. The moment someone is sharing with you about what it’s like to sleep rough and you’re tempted to download your wisdom, take that fresh pair of socks and shove them in your mouth and just listen.”

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

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